The Silence Is Different – Star Trek Fanfiction (The Reality Paradox #5)

After Q disappeared once again, the reality of being stuck in a place that actually wasn’t real didn’t kick in right away at all.

I was fixated on Aura.

I know it wasn’t possible that she could have physically changed, but she looked different...

Her presence felt different...

I watched as she looked at herself from head to toe. I swear I could see admiration in her eyes.

I slowly stepped closer to her, and she stopped admiring herself to meet my gaze. I touched her arm, and it wasn’t the usual cold metal feeling. It was slightly warm.

It startled me a little, causing me to immediately remove my hand and jump back a tiny bit.

“What did he do to you?”

Aura was silent.

“I am uncertain.”

“You don't know?”

“I know what changed. I do not yet understand it.”

I waited.

For the first time, I saw an android seem hesitant.

“I can still access all prior computational functions.”

“Okay...”

“My processing speed remains unchanged.”

“Aura.”

She looked at me.

“Captain...”

She paused.

“The silence is different.”

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of what she was referring to.

“The silence?”

“Before, when no one was speaking, there was simply an absence of input.”

Another pause.

“Now it feels lonely.”

My eyes widened at her last words.

Androids weren't supposed to have feelings.

“Aura, what do you mean you feel lonely?”

She looked at me.

For a moment, she didn't answer.

Not because she was processing.

Because it appeared she was thinking.

The familiar precision wasn't visible in her eyes. The constant scanning of calculations that had always been there was gone.

She looked at me with confusion.

“I am uncertain.”

I felt just as confused as her, if I was reading her correctly.

“You just said you were lonely.”

“Correct.”

“Then explain it.”

She glanced around the bronze chamber.

“Prior to Mr. Q's intervention, isolation had no effect on me.”

“And now?”

“Now I find myself aware of absence.”

I looked around the chamber as well, empty as it had been before.

“Absence of what?”

Her eyes shifted back toward me.

“Others.”

Was this what Q meant by a fighting chance?

The thought sent chills down my spine. I had no idea what to expect next.

“Captain...”

I looked closer at Aura as she hesitated to speak. She was holding her hands together in a fist, moving them back and forth around each other.

If I didn’t know any better, I was sensing anxiety in her.

“I possess complete memory records of Commander T'Varen, Lieutenant Darak, Chief Ren, Commander Pelia, Ensign Jaxa, Kurn, Drim, and the rest of the USS Cairo crew.”

I nodded.

“You always have.”

“Correct.”

She lowered her head and looked away.

“However, I previously stored those records as information.”

“And now?”

I touched her shoulder, and her voice became quieter.

“I miss them.”

My eyes widened again. 

Data spent decades pursuing humanity.

Aura had acquired it in a single afternoon.

She turned to continue talking.

I tried to hide my surprise as she spoke.

“I have reviewed the sensation repeatedly.”

“And?”

How would an android know what it was feeling if it had never felt anything before?

“I believe organic lifeforms refer to it as loneliness.”

“You sound pretty sure.”

“I am only seventy-three percent certain.”

I laughed.

Those odds seemed plausible.

Aura frowned.

“The percentage was not intended to be humorous.”

I coughed and stopped myself.

“I know.”

“Then why did you laugh?”

I grabbed her hand and held it in mine.

“Because you're becoming more human.”

Aura considered that as she studied our hands together. I wondered if she could feel my warmth just as I could no longer feel her coldness.

She started to look around the empty chamber.

“If this is what humans experience when separated from those they care about...”

She removed her hand from mine.

“I do not understand why they tolerate it.”

The thought made me sad.

She really didn’t understand yet that sometimes separation was unavoidable.

“We don’t really tolerate it, Aura. Sometimes it’s just what happens, and you have to learn to live with it.”

She seemed extremely uncomfortable.

A lot of firsts were happening right now for her.

“I am also experiencing concern for your wellbeing.”

I mildly chuckled, not wanting to upset her again.

“You've always done that.”

“Negative.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

She shook her head.

“I was programmed to prioritize your survival.”

She looked away, almost in shame.

“This is not the same thing.”

I watched as an oily tear ran from her eye.

As odd as the sight was, I wiped it from her face, and she appeared just as surprised as I did.

“Captain, I believe Mr. Q removed a limitation.”

“Which one?”

She thought about it.

Actually thought.

Then answered, almost overwhelmed.

“I no longer understand where my programming ends and where I begin.”