Captain’s Log: When Healing Isn’t Linear

Captain’s Log, Stardate 2601.190825

This log continues a mission that began under exhaustion and uncertainty. First recorded during an earlier phase of this journey, it is now reissued as part of a broader record—one that reflects how healing truly unfolds: unevenly, imperfectly, and without a clear endpoint.

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Yesterday, I began sharing my long medical journey, and today I want to continue. Some days—especially like today—it feels like this problem will never be solved. I don’t feel fully healed. I have a few good days here and there, but the bad days seem to outweigh them.

For example, today I had to stop working before noon. My stomach was in knots all morning, and I just couldn’t sit at my desk any longer. I know part of the sickness I’ve been feeling lately could be from catching whatever my boyfriend had, but the truth is—I’m constantly nauseated.

And who wants to feel like that every single day? When your body already feels broken, even a simple bug hits 100 times harder. That’s why I don’t believe this is just one issue. It’s been nearly impossible to get clear answers in a system that’s more interested in pushing prescriptions than finding real causes.

Yes, I do take some medications, but not because I want to. My goal has always been to go as natural as possible. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to stop taking certain prescriptions right now—literally can’t afford it financially. And I’m left questioning: are these very medications part of the reason my body still feels this way?

Natural medicine is often priced out of reach. For example, in Florida, medical marijuana is legal but extremely expensive. When I visited Michigan this past June, I was shocked at how affordable it was there compared to here—100 times cheaper in some cases. Back home, I don’t have that option. I’m forced to either overpay for natural remedies or keep relying on pharmaceuticals that come with a list of side effects I’d rather not even Google.

I’ve been on medications like Xanax and Ambien for over 20 years. But when I was in a better financial place and could afford natural alternatives—like the $100 monthly supply of Indica capsules—I was able to wean off of them. Those capsules helped with sleep and even nausea in ways prescriptions never did. Sadly, with rising costs and a declining economy, many of us can’t afford what actually helps us heal.

By 2022, after countless prescriptions, tests, and specialist visits, I was referred to a Gastroenterologist. Imaging showed inflammation and a possible parasite. Antibiotics helped some symptoms, but not the nausea. So, I changed my diet. I gave up processed foods, stayed away from triggers, and learned to cook from scratch. It was exhausting, time-consuming, and expensive—but necessary.

I quickly learned just how awful packaged food really is. Slowly, I swapped out ingredients, finding healthier substitutes and avoiding triggers like garlic, coconut, red meat, and dairy. That last one was especially hard since I love cheese, but eventually, my body adjusted.

The changes helped—but they also caused drastic weight loss. By the end of 2022, I was down to 110 pounds, the lowest in my adult life. I looked skeletal. Eating became difficult because almost every meal gave me what I call a “sour stomach.”

At that point, I told my Gastroenterologist I wanted off Omeprazole too. After researching the side effects, I knew it wasn’t helping me long term. Eventually, surgery was suggested. I figured—why not? I had already gone through multiple procedures in the past trying to fix years of damage from medications and poor diet.

And honestly, I’ve taken big leaps before. In 2019, I had Lasik surgery. I never thought I’d do something like that, but it got to the point where glasses and contacts were more of a burden than a solution. I worked long days at the office staring at a computer, then nights at a beach restaurant where sunglasses were a necessity. Switching between glasses and dried-out contacts all the time was exhausting. Eventually, I decided enough was enough—and the surgery changed my life.

That’s the same mindset I had when it came to moving forward with stomach surgery: sometimes you reach a point where you can’t keep living the way you are, and you have to take the leap. Lasik was just the first of many leaps I’ve taken since—and I plan on sharing each of those stories here in future posts.

This whole journey has opened my eyes to how broken our food system and healthcare system really are. We’ve been fed garbage for decades, and it’s only now that we have access to the truth about ingredients and what they do to our bodies. Unfortunately, for many people like me, it feels like it’s too late.

And let’s be honest—our government is a big part of the problem. They don’t protect us; they profit off us. The healthcare system, the food industry, even the economy—it’s all designed to keep people sick, dependent, and broke. I don’t believe in politics because it’s just two sides of the same corrupt coin. I don’t vote, because I’ve seen enough proof that the system is broken beyond repair. If anything, I’d call myself an anarchist. My true hope is that one day people will realize it’s us versus them—and when enough of us get there, maybe something will finally change.

I’ll continue sharing more of this story tomorrow, because it’s far from over. Healing isn’t linear, and I’m still in the middle of it. But maybe my experience can help someone else navigating the same broken system.