Captain’s Log: When the Body Refuses to Cooperate
Captain’s Log, Stardate 2601.250825
This log documents a different kind of battle—one without visible scars or dramatic procedures. Originally written on a Monday that felt impossible to survive, it’s being reissued now as part of the larger medical record. Not every fight happens in an operating room. Some happen quietly, before 9 a.m., in bathrooms, in tears, and in the exhausting space between anxiety and chronic pain.
This is what it looks like when the body refuses to cooperate—but the mission continues anyway.
Today I’m skipping over my promised stories about the elective procedures I went through as a young adult—I’ll save those for another time—because, honestly, I feel absolutely awful.
Mondays are always rough, but lately they’ve been unbearable. I sometimes wonder if all the “I hate Mondays” jokes I grew up hearing actually conditioned my brain to dread them. The anxiety of going back to work feels like it flips my stomach inside out.
When Eating Better Still Isn’t Enough
For the last month, it’s been especially bad—even though I’ve lost 10 pounds and have been eating better. I even cut out coffee completely, hoping it would help.
Spoiler: it hasn’t.
Stress and anxiety play a role, sure, but I can’t write all of this off as stress. The pain is real, and it makes getting through my workday a constant battle.
Most mornings, I’m in tears from frustration, running to the bathroom every 10 minutes—sometimes for no reason—while still being in pain. I’ve started printing morning routines from online articles that supposedly calm digestion. I even wake up hours earlier just to sit at my desk before client calls, hoping to get ahead of work.
But even that hasn’t been enough.
Balancing Work Stress and Health Struggles
The nonstop training I’ve had to do lately, thanks to constant changes in healthcare law, hasn’t helped. Neither has trying to market myself online more aggressively to get quality leads instead of random calls from people just looking for free stuff.
And let’s be honest—healthcare is expensive. Unless you’ve been through chronic medical issues yourself, it’s easy to take it for granted. Some people get lucky and don’t need it much.
The rest of us? We just keep navigating it.
The Exercise Dilemma
I know some of my stomach issues are made worse by my lack of exercise. Motivation has been low, and on top of that, small disruptions keep derailing me.
Like when my AC broke for a week. There was no way I was working out in a hot house.
To make matters more complicated, I turned my home gym into an office this past year for privacy. That room—nicknamed “The Cave”—has a rubber floor and two giant front-facing windows. In summer, it’s scorching. In winter, it’s freezing. It’s rarely comfortable.
Every article about digestive relief insists on exercise—yoga, stretching, pelvic floor work. I used to work out five days a week consistently. But stopping, starting, and trying to restart while constantly feeling sick has been an uphill climb.
Working in “The Cave”
Despite everything, I can’t imagine going back to an in-person office. If you’ve ever dealt with bathroom issues at work, you understand—it would be a nightmare.
Still, I don’t want to stay hidden forever.
I’ve considered running Medicare seminars again. I even connected with a rep at a local medical office who wants to collaborate. Now that I’m contracted with multiple carriers, rebuilding lost income isn’t optional—it’s necessary.
But rebuilding your health while rebuilding your business? That’s a balancing act.
The Weight of Womanhood
And just when I feel like I’m regaining motivation, something else knocks me sideways.
This week, it’s hormones.
After being on birth control for over 20 years, stopping it has brought on extremely painful cycles. I never understood my friends’ complaints before—now I do.
My gynecologist believes I have PCOS and recommended either going back on birth control or taking a hormone as needed. I’m hesitant.
I tried a natural supplement—Inositol—which seemed promising at first. But the morning gastric distress worsened, so I stopped. I may try again next month.
This particular week of the month compounds everything else I’m already battling.
By the end of the day, all I wanted was a heating pad and silence.
Being a woman can feel like a full-time endurance sport.
Finding a Way Forward
Everyone has battles, especially women navigating chronic illness, hormonal shifts, and work stress all at once.
Mine right now is a combination of chronic stomach pain, anxiety triggers, hormonal changes, and the constant pressure to keep functioning.
But tomorrow is another day.
If I can turn even one of those printed routines into a real habit—something that calms my stomach even slightly—it could change everything.
For now, I’m holding onto that hope.
And if you’re reading this while fighting your own invisible battle, know this:
You are not weak.
You are not dramatic.
You are not alone.
We are all just trying to push through.
Comments
Post a Comment