Captain’s Log: Returning to the Present
Captain’s Log, Stardate 2601.220825
This log brings the mission back to the present. Originally written during a day of physical and mental overload, it’s being reissued now as part of a broader record—one that captures what daily life looks like when healing, stress, work, and survival all collide at once.
Back to the Present
Yesterday, I strayed away from my medical journey to share a story that was behind a major first step in this never-ending road I’m on. But today was extremely rough—physically and mentally—so I feel like it’s time to bring everyone back to the present.
We all need to vent somewhere, right?
🧠 Therapy and Mental Health
If you don’t already have one, I highly suggest finding a psychologist if you’re going through mental stress like I am.
Some people think therapy just isn’t for them, but in reality, they probably just haven’t found the right one yet. It took me so long to find my current therapist that I can’t even remember when I started looking. But here’s what I’ve learned: the only way you’re going to get better is by sharing your story with someone trained to help.
A lot of people are weird about therapy—especially men. Not a single man I’ve ever dated would go. And honestly, that’s not fair when one person in the relationship is working hard to get better while watching their partner stay stuck, hoping they’re getting the help they need but knowing they probably aren’t.
And if you’re someone scared of therapy because of childhood trauma, don’t let that stop you. It’s not the same anymore.
For example, I was a typical teenage girl writing “dumb” things in my diary, and when my mom read something serious, she thought the best solution was pulling me out of high school in the middle of the day to go to therapy. Traumatizing. Embarrassing. That experience kept me from seeking help for a long time.
Looking back, it’s silly I felt so ashamed—no one in class knew why I was being pulled out—but as a teenager, it felt like everyone did.
I’m glad I go now. I don’t even want to think about where I’d be without therapy. Honestly, I’m barely making it through each day as it is. And from conversations with friends, clients, and even doom scrolling through Facebook, I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
⚖️ The Weight of Everyday Life
We’re already overwhelmed—working longer and harder for less money, while bills keep rising. Add physical and mental stress to the mix, and it can break a person.
Some days you wake up not feeling right, you do everything to avoid getting sick, and all those efforts still fail. That’s one reason I stopped doom scrolling in the bathroom and started reading self-help books on Kindle instead.
It might sound silly, but when you feel like you’re living at the lowest point of your life every day, you’ll try anything to feel better.
Luckily, the “adulting” load is split now that my boyfriend moved in, but being a homeowner is still stressful as hell. I love my house, our neighborhood, the fact it’s ours—but it’s a lot to deal with. Truthfully, if he hadn’t moved in a year ago, I wouldn’t still be here.
Costs are skyrocketing while income keeps dropping. It’s the vicious cycle: overworking to survive while constantly being sick and stressed.
🤒 Getting Sick More Often
Last week, when kids went back to school, my boyfriend caught a bug. He was barely down for a few days, but I eventually caught it—despite desperately trying not to.
Now, even a simple chest cold hits me a million times harder than it used to. Thankfully, this one passed quickly, unlike earlier this year when I was sick for a whole month—two weeks with the flu, two with pneumonia.
I never used to get sick often. My world was small—just a four-person office, the only place I went. But when I helped open a corporate restaurant in 2018 to boost my income for a house purchase, being around large crowds exposed me to more germs. I caught a few colds here and there, but nothing compared to what I’ve faced this year.
🐈 The Cat Dilemma
Therapy and self-help books help keep me afloat, but sometimes I feel like if my boyfriend hadn’t moved in—with his four cats—I wouldn’t be dealing with some of the health issues I have now.
I already had four cats myself. That makes eight. And honestly? That’s just way too many. Plain and simple. We were stupid for thinking it would somehow work out. I still hope it does, and I’ll share the lengths we’ve gone to in hopes of making things better.
One of mine even came from a litter he had back in 2021 when we were just friends. I fell in love with the little guy with three legs and half a mustache. He’s my baby—one of the few who cuddles with me—but I’m allergic as hell to his cats.
Yes, I’m allergic to cats… and I have four. At the time, I didn’t even know until medical testing before stomach surgery. After he moved in, I had to start taking Zyrtec daily just to get by.
My diet didn’t change, but I packed on weight fast. Over time, I adjusted and could cut back on meds, but I still suffer most days. That medication took a real toll on my body.
Losing weight since then has been hell—even with a strict diet. Sometimes I barely eat, which only makes things worse. Another vicious cycle.
💼 Work, Career, and the Future
It might seem like I’m straying off course, but it all ties together. My relationship is great—even though we both work remotely. Neither of us really has a choice, and with my medical issues, I couldn’t work outside the home anymore even if I wanted to.
Just today I was thinking about the future. What happens if things get worse?
I only have skills in selling healthcare and serving food—and I physically can’t serve food anymore. Back in 2020, I was running around a Florida beach serving food and drinks for 14 hours a day in a mask, four days a week. I can’t imagine doing that now.
Even lying by the pool makes me sick. Something that used to be relaxing now overheats me and triggers nausea. How could I ever handle beachside serving again?
I refuse to do Medicare seminars anymore either. Lugging materials twice a day is out of the question. Hell, just taking a shower and having the thermostat raised two degrees was enough to throw me into a hot flash.
🔬 Hormones, Perimenopause, and PCOS
I’ll be 39 next month, and for the past two years—always during busy season—I randomly stopped having my period for months at a time.
After 20 years on birth control, I tracked everything carefully when I got off it. The first time it happened, I panicked. Dozens of negative pregnancy tests later, my PCP suggested perimenopause.
I hate adding medications. I lean heavily on natural liquid remedies instead of prescriptions. They help—but too much worsens my nausea. So I walk a fine line trying to treat one thing without breaking another.
The following year, symptoms came back worse. A gynecologist now suspects PCOS. My prolactin levels have increased dramatically, which can mimic menopause symptoms.
So here I am—experiencing menopause symptoms without being in menopause. Figures.
🌡️ Allergies, Rashes, and Breathing
Meanwhile, I still deal with constant nausea, allergies, weight struggles, and stress.
I recently learned I’m allergic to a chemical in itching lotion. I now use prescription ointment weekly to treat rashes triggered by cat dander.
Add breathing problems. Two CT scans “look normal,” yet I wheeze at night. Sometimes it wakes me up. This lung issue is becoming part of my story whether I like it or not.
💥 The Breaking Point
And that brings me to today.
Everything piled on at once—medical issues, work stress, trying to stay positive in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had while the universe keeps throwing obstacles my way.
I know this stress is destroying my body.
Going fully remote wasn’t a choice—it was a medical necessity. This isn’t the life I would have chosen.
Every day is a struggle. Changing clothes constantly. Battling nausea in my home office. Fighting temperature swings that leave me miserable.
And the worst part? I dealt with this exact thermostat issue at the office too—being yelled at for adjusting it while I felt awful. Another reason I left.
Who wants to live like that?
🌱 Finding Balance
That’s why I push therapy. That’s why I read self-help books. I’m trying to balance it all, even when most of it feels out of my control.
Some days, like today, it just feels unbearable.
But this is part of my story.
Stay tuned—because trust me, those crazy cats have plenty more to add to this never-ending medical journey.
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